when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
