I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
