Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
