i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
