it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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