i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
