you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
