i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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