Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
