Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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