You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
