Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
