it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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