So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
