For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
