You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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