he puts the penis in happiness.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize