New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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