u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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