What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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