You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize