maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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