woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
