Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
