He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
