I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
