there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
