it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
