but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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