My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
