he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
