I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
