Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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