Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
