I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
