I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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