was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In America we eat man semen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize