my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
