Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize