I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
