i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
