walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
