textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize