no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
should my penis look like a turkey
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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