Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
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I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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