Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
