1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
