he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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