WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
