As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize