the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Someone shattered a urinal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
