I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if only i could text you this smell
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
