With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
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I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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