Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
