I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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