I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
