sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
