You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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