I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
