your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
