I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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