everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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