Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
